Better the devil,
I know.

I told him,
I crave novelty. Ha.
Right now, I crave
the comfort of
the familiar,
the devil.

It wasn’t a lie.
More than one thing can be true at the same time.
Yes, And

I’m trying to be grateful
embrace the new, unknown, exciting
but
it’s scary, so
better the devil

joy
is so unfamiliar
and
grief
is so near

all the things
i hate about myself
he hates about me
I already know

better the devil,
I know.

insane, courageous, stupid

My friends say
I’m the eternal
optimist
because I see
things as they could be
and try
to make them
pull them
into reality

but you know who else
sees
things that are not there?

schizos and
psychos
so what, does that
make me?
insane?

is dreaming and living
in fantasy
courageous?

no.
for believing
in you?
stupid.

Not Punishment

Why is it still raining?

Because you still miss him

who?

her.

Am I being punished? I thought I was
a good girl.

No, it’s not punishment.
It’s not rain.
Your tears keep falling.

When will they stop?

Wait. Stop. Don’t.

Come back.

Your words
My poor heart.
My heart
is gone

It has turned into a hundred
butterflies
orange and black
flutter against a pale blue,
they return

be still, my heart.